- There are two different types of people: those who are overly concerned about whether or not I can eat when we go out to dinner or to a party and those who tease me about what they eat and I don’t. I appreciate the level of concern some show for my well-being, and I’m unfortunately getting used to those who go out of their way to comment every time I sit down to eat with them. You know where you fall. Please think about keeping those mean comments to yourself.
- It’s like I have a new set of ears for listening to things regarding my lifestyle. Our disconnect from life itself has created people who don’t view animals as living beings but rather vehicles for food for their consumption. We talk about eating them as if it’s some magical process where a life isn’t horrifically taken. We speak about it as though their lives don’t matter. It’s terrifying and disheartening.
- Leading by example is hard. It’s not hard to be the example. The hard part is not screaming at people and shoving information down their throats. I don’t want to be that militant vegan, but I can see why the outrage is present in those who are. I suppress it because people don’t like it, but I also see that people don’t seem to care that I don’t like hearing about their hunting trips or steak dinners. It doesn’t go both ways, and that’s not fair, but life isn’t fair. Which is why I’ve gone vegan–to help balance some of that.
- Sometimes, I’m overcome with guilt about how I lived the first 27 years of my life. I actively took part in a world where living creatures had to be brutally murdered in order for me to have a meal. Usually, steak dinners were treats for a hard week of work or something. Looking back at it, I cry. I can’t believe I thought that ordering meat was a way to treat myself, that something had to die in order to reward myself for making it through a hard week. That animal had it way harder.
- Because of all of this, I don’t know how to be my authentic self. I’m not even sure who she is. She’s angry, upset, depressed, uplifted, full of tears, full of joy, full of passion, suppressed, pushed down, irritated, happy, bogged down, loving, caring, adored, and so much more. But so many of those are so conflicting, and the others get crossed off the list around certain people. I’m fearful of losing friends or alienating people by unleashing my true beliefs, my full opinions, but are those people really friends, then? No one likes to be told that their beliefs are wrong, but it’s not fair that I have to sit back and listen to everyone else spew theirs when I don’t agree. I’m the crazy one though. I’m the one who should keep quiet because I’m too passionate, part of a cult, too dogmatic, unable to relate, too extreme, etc. Just know that we see eye to eye on that.
Hey! I’m here! I promise. 🙂
I know that it seems like I’ve been neglecting the blog. And I suppose I truly have. I have put this aside to work on something else. Something a little different but still really cool. Well, I think it is, anyway. 🙂
Want to know what I’ve been working hard on? I’ll tell you.
Some of you know that I write. I love to write. I’ve been writing fiction for over a year and a half now, though I haven’t published anything yet. I’m so picky, and I have all of these plans… LOL. Oh plans. 🙂 But what some of you don’t know is that I’ve also been working on some other kinds of writing.
In the works right now are two nonfiction projects.
One is a set of journals. Daily Q&A journals you can use to check in with yourself. They’ll have different themes–there’s the main one for anyone, one for the “hippie” soul, one for mothers, and I plan on one for teens. Maybe a faith-based one as well. Two are written, one is half done, and the last is in the works. 🙂
The other project is a workbook of challenges that help cultivate positivity, organization, and productivity in your life. This is all written, but I still need a few design things and some feedback on my list of challenges. So far, so good. 🙂 🙂
I wanted to keep you in the loop. This is what’s coming. I hope you all enjoy!
Hey all! I have a vegan challenge coming up THIS weekend! Starting on Friday, March 6, and ending on Sunday, March 8, I challenge YOU to eat only vegan foods. If you’re curious what kinds of foods you can eat, know what foods you can eat and want to try it out, or have absolutely no idea what vegan means, this is the challenge for you! I want all levels, so even if you’re already vegan, feel free to join in on the fun.
I’m setting up a Facebook group so we can stay in contact, and I’ll provide you with a meal plan, recipes, support, and encouragement. If you’re in, feel free to e-mail me at mickeyedits at gmail. Or click here. Or you can find me on Facebook. Let’s do this!! 🙂
Anyone with me? It’s pretty basic. Cut some strips of paper so you have it ready. Then, each day, write something (different) you’re grateful for, thankful for, happy about, in love with, etc. Something positive should go on each link, and you can make a chain of these as a visual, a tangible list of reasons to be happy on any given day.
If you want to take it another step further, you can post your gratitude on Facebook. I’ll be doing that along with a photo of some sort every day to keep the thankfulness and positivity flowing on social media. Feel free to join in with me, comment on my posts, and link me to yours. <3 Take pictures of your own chain and share it with the world. Positivity is contagious, so let’s spread it!
I could go lots of places with that title, but for right now, I’ll finish it with one word: anything.
Yep. You read that right. I don’t understand a single thing about this world. About this life. Not one.
Well, maybe one. I understand love and things that fall under its umbrella. I understand being kindhearted, generous, compassionate, helpful, and giving. All of that makes sense to me. They’re easy for me to grasp, work with, and just be. It’s everything else that confuses the crap out of me.
I think I’ve always felt this way without realizing it. I haven’t always worked the same way as I do now, but part of me recognizes that I’ve never known much about life, living, or the world. We think we do, especially as teenagers who freak out over the smallest, dumbest things that seem like our entire universe at the time and as young adults who feel invincible, assuming we have the whole game figured out. But when I look back, I realize that I was a product of my environment.
Reaction isn’t directly correlated with understanding. We learn through observation and experience, and lately, I’ve learned a lot through observation and experience. Unfortunately, I haven’t really liked what I’ve learned. And a lot of it hurts my heart.
So much that I break down in tears about it over dinner with my husband.
You guys, I cannot spend another minute thinking about all the suffering (a majority of it unnecessary) in this world. It makes me cry every time I do. The injustice, the hypocrisy, the hate and violence–it’s all unnecessary. It’s awful and horrifying, and it could be avoided and abolished altogether, but it’s not. And that weighs heavily on my heart. Constantly.
My husband tries to tell me that, without bad, we wouldn’t appreciate the good. We need duality in this world. But in my eyes, the duality is so slanted and unbalanced that it’s not right, not fair, not worth its opposite right now. Yes, there is a lot of good, but to me, the bad is SO bad that it’s not proportionate. The good doesn’t justify the bad I see happening.
So what do we do to fix it?
Sometimes, it feels so far outside my grasp that it seems like a lost cause. But then I have to take a step back and remember that I cannot change the world by myself. In fact, there isn’t much I actually can do to change anything. But I can be the change I wish to see, right? We’ve all seen that quote floating around. And it makes sense. You influence your world by being what you want to see in it. Demanding change gets you nowhere, so you have to shine the right light in order to make a difference.
I’d love to say that I learned this the easy way. And I’d love to say that it works efficiently and quickly. But those are both untrue. I’ve had many passionate debates (or emotional arguments–whatever) about things like eating animal products, positivity, and just being a “good” person. But people don’t seem to listen. Many come back with arguments for the opposite of what you’re trying to “sell,” even if they don’t find themselves on the opposite side. So how do you argue with that?
Basically, you don’t. You fight the good fight–a silent and kind one–and continue to be the change. But when your results aren’t what you desire, what you know the world needs, what do you do? Do you get a little louder in your fight for the rights of life on this planet? Do you shut out the world so you don’t have to hear about tragedy after tragedy because it’s more than your sensitive, loving, caring heart can handle? Or do you sit back and watch it all unfold, let people do whatever they want to do while they’re destroying your home, your planet, the only place you can live–and each other in the process?
Even I think I’m starting to sound a little over the top here. What the world needs. I mean, come on. Who do I think I am?
Well, I think I’m a woman who sees what others don’t. I’m a person on this planet who wishes to live a good life. A long and healthy one. And I want that for every single life on this planet too. Mmhmm. EVERY one of them.
It’s why I’m so positive. It’s why I’m vegan. It’s why I care so much–and how. Sure, I still have a lot of work to do to further myself in this goal, on this path, but I’m in a good place to keep going with it. And I want to take you with me.
I want you to understand how unfair it is to take a life in order to save your own. I want you to realize that we’re destroying our environment, the air we breathe, and the “food “we eat in order to make money–which won’t do us any good at all if none of us are alive and well to spend it, will it? I want you to see how awful it is that we kill BILLIONS of animals–living, breathing, beautiful life–every YEAR for “food” we don’t need and shouldn’t even be eating. I want you to recognize how twisted and wrong it is that we put the lives of some animals (think about your pets here) above others (think about the animals you eat here).
My life in the last few years has done a complete turnaround. Anxiety and depression have taught me how precious life is–and that means for EVERYONE. And it’s hard for me to watch the injustice continue now. I see things through totally different eyes. They’re different from the ones I used to have, from yours, and from everyone else’s. But there are a whole lot of people out there who see things the way I do. And that?
That gives me hope.
I took a day off from editing to rest my eye. This sty has been…fun. I went to urgent care yesterday to make sure it wasn’t infected or anything because it’s HUGE and swollen. I’m pretty sure everyone there thought I was ridiculous, but oh well. So I’ve been doing the whole warm compress thing…and watching Downton Abbey. I think it might have been the cure all along. I’ll keep testing this hypothesis this afternoon. 🙂
I’ve also been getting my craft on. WOO! I’ve been wanting to make some stuff out of Pringles cans. I have a ton of them! When I was still working at Chase, a friend’s mother died. My friend thought I’d love the yarn her mom left behind, and she stored all the yarn in Pringles cans. I took all of the yarn out and have a bunch of empty Pringles cans waiting to be used for something.
So I finally did something with them today. 🙂
Well, only with three of them to try some stuff out, but man, it was fun!! I’ve of course had stuff pinned on Pinterest forEVER. However, there was one craft in particular I’ve wanted to try for a pretty long time. And today was the day!
I started with making small pencil holder cup thingies first. Cutting the Pringles can wasn’t going to happen, so I took a knife to them. How I finished with all of my fingers is beyond me. Haha! But it worked out! I thought it’d be harder to cut through, but they’re not so bad. I didn’t think about smoothing out the edges, so this first version is a bit uneven, but I was proud of myself nonetheless. Here’s the first attempt.
Once I figured that I had enough skill to attempt the rotatable one, I gave it a whirl. Oh boy. That was obviously a little more involved, and it doesn’t look as pretty as the one I saw, but I DID the damn thing. Haha! It actually works and turned out really cool. With a little work, I can make better ones, but for the first one, I thought I did a good job. Check it out!
How fun, right? Super cool. I’d like to make another one and see if I can do better next time. But I had a good morning doing this. 🙂 And it’s not a crafting day without burning your arm on the hot glue gun. Yeah!
Hey all. I started writing a piece on Saturday that needs to be shared right about now. I finished it this afternoon and just posted it on Wattpad. It’s not edited or anything, so it’s probably missing words and stuff, but I think you’ll get the point. It’s about my struggle with panic, anxiety, and depression, so read at your own risk.
With the news of Robin Williams’s suicide, everyone came out to post their opinions on what happened. A lot of people said that this was a selfish thing to do, and I’m here to balance out the opinions and tell you that it’s not a selfish act. If you haven’t been in his shoes, you cannot judge his actions. It goes for everything people do, but this is very touchy for me. Unless you’ve experienced the wrath of depression, you just don’t know.
As I’m typing this and getting ready to post it, I’m starting to feel a headache, which is kicking up the very thoughts you’re going to read about in this story if you choose to check it out. It affects me every day in some way, shape, or form, so I wrote this to get some of my thoughts out of my head and onto paper. It was therapy in a way for me, but I’d be thrilled to hear from you if you do read it. Thank you!
On the heels of my first really hardcore panic attack in months, I feel the need to write it out. A lot goes through my mind in a short amount of time, and not a lot of it is great. In fact, most of it is scary, negative, and full of regret.
If you’ve never had a panic attack, let me break it down a little bit for you. Basically, your body goes into panic overdrive–adrenaline rush, fight or flight against yourself, and you have nowhere to go. Your heart pounds, your body tingles, you shake uncontrollably, you fight nausea, you have this overwhelming sense of doom, and your mind goes nuts thinking that your body is about to die. And if your body dies, what happens to your mind? Even falling asleep is scary because your body feels like it’s slipping away from your mind, but sleep is exactly what I need most of the time a panic attack hits.
Maybe that doesn’t sound too horrible, and right now, separated from the feelings, I can tell myself a thousand different things I could have done better. But in the middle of a panic attack, it’s so hard to tell your body to calm itself, that nothing is wrong, because I just can’t trust my body anymore to tell me if it’s actually something serious or if I’m just essentially faking it because I’m stressed.
It’s a scary situation to find yourself in. If you can’t trust your body to tell you what’s going on, what can you do?
I suppose I can trust my body. So far, the record is panic attacks 100%, other serious illnesses 0%. I know most of my triggers, so I try my best to take care of those things throughout the day so I don’t purposely put myself in harm’s way. But sometimes we get comfortable. Sometimes I learn a new trigger. Things happen and change and evolve, and I just have to go with the flow. Unfortunately, change seems to be a trigger, so I need to tread that water carefully.
The problem with last night’s panic attack is that my whole body went into ‘what if the depression comes back’ mode and started to fight that, which only recreated the emotions and physical sensations I felt last summer when I went through that whole debacle. For a half hour or so, maybe longer, last night, I was panicking over the possibility of the depression returning because I could feel it wrapping its tight grip around my bones. It was terrifying.
The depression strips me of ME. And it leaves the new me angry, sad, with no way out of my skin to find the rest of ME. The overwhelmingly uncomfortable feeling of not caring enough about life to want to stay here (because what’s it all for anyway?) creeps in while ME is still in there and threatens to take over. ME doesn’t feel strong enough to fight that, even after months of happiness or no panic. Because that doesn’t matter. The imbalance hits no matter what’s going on in life.
But that can be prevented through eating right and exercising, both things I haven’t really been holding up my on end of the deal. Of course I’m still vegan, but I haven’t been eating nearly enough fruit these days. Mostly rice and beans. Not enough water, and definitely NOT enough exercise. I’ve been working through new scheduling processes for work, so I am finding more and more time for myself, which is awesome. But in that free time, I want to write, relax, or snuggle puppies. I don’t want to run or lift weights or do anything where my heart starts pumping too fast because that’s a trigger (since that’s part of a panic attack’s symptoms).
However, I NEED to take better care of myself. If I want to be here for a good, long while, I need to eat right, de-stress, exercise, get some sun, sleep enough, and breathe. I need to stop worrying so much about a future that isn’t guaranteed. I need to be in a better place mentally, spiritually, physically. But I need to take it one day at a time. It’s all I have, so it’s all I can conquer.
Taking a few deep breaths this morning to honor the journey. <3
I’m entering territory I haven’t explored before–a scheduled day off. My plan (because I just can’t help it) is to have my phone and laptop turned off, go see a movie with my husband, and binge-watch Supernatural or some other movies on Netflix. Let me tell you…I cannot wait.
I’m so excited for a day where I don’t have anything to do that my anxiety is in overdrive. Holy shit, y’all. I am so terrified that I’m going to die before Saturday comes around! That’s what my anxiety does. We just ate dinner, and now I’m full and a bit thirsty, so I’m obviously going to die from food poisoning from something in the food and dehydration. My head is a little achy from everything I’ve done these last few days and being in the car with my glasses on, so I obviously have a brain tumor. And then these thoughts cause my heart rate to increase, so I’m obviously having a heart attack.
I don’t know how to turn it off. It sounds so irrational, but my fear of dying before fill in the blank (I finish this manuscript, I get a day off to enjoy for myself, my dinner plans with friends in two weeks, etc.) takes over sometimes and I just can’t shake it.
Most of the time, I just tell myself that there isn’t anything I can do about it if I’m about to die. I can’t stop it now. So then I wonder if there is something I can do in the future to avoid feeling this shaken up or letting my thoughts run so far ahead of themselves. I have to eat. I have to work. And I can’t stop thinking. It’s all hard for me to balance.
Then I get stressed out with my dogs. I love them so hard, but G needs way more attention than she did five months ago when we got her because she’s healthier now. I schedule really packed, full days, so I don’t have the time to throw her ball for fifteen minutes eight times a day. I’d love to, but that’s not how it works around here right now. And then we’re still working on her overprotective behavior around food, so I have to keep an eye on them when they eat. It’s overwhelming for me.
Don’t get me wrong. I absolutely love editing and working with my authors. They all rock SO hard, and I wouldn’t be working at home, able to complain about having to throw my dog’s ball all the time if it weren’t for them. I just worry about EVERYTHING. And I don’t want to die any time soon. That’s all it boils down to. Haha!
I feel better now that I got a lot of that out. I still have some stuff I want to do tonight so that I can spend some of tomorrow doing absolutely nothing too. Although that’s bound to give me some anxiety too. So stay tuned. LOL! <3
I try really hard to stay positive and upbeat all the time, but I cannot turn a blind eye to this birth control debate. As much as I want to, since it really doesn’t concern me, I just can’t sit back and keep quiet.
Honestly, this doesn’t have much to do with the Hobby Lobby ruling and all that. I haven’t truly kept up with much of it, so I won’t lie there. My understanding is that the Supreme Court is allowing Hobby Lobby to not cover Plan B pills for their employees. Whether or not this is okay (in anyone’s opinion) is not at all the point of my blog post. Birth control itself is at the center.
First, I’ll say that this isn’t about Plan B. I’ve never taken it, so I have no idea about it. And if you haven’t yet read my blog posts from last year when I was going through detox of birth control pills, specifically Yaz, you can catch up here and here if you’d like. The first one is “my story” and the second one is right before it when I could barely even talk about it. But to sum it all up, I lived through one of the worst summers of my entire life. I went through things I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemies (although, from me, that isn’t saying much because I wouldn’t wish a hangnail on anyone either, but you get my point). I lost so much hair, went through horrible depression for weeks, suffered from (and continue to deal with) anxiety and panic attacks, etc. All from stopping my birth control pills.
And you know what? Doctors didn’t help me.
They shoved MORE pills at me, not bothering to treat the source of anything, just wanting to cover up the symptoms. Some thought I probably needed to eat meat because I was a vegan. One even suggested that I just go back on the pill. Right, because I was so pleased with what it had done to me that I wanted to get back on it only to perhaps go through the terrible detox again? Okay.
When I first started experiencing the symptoms, I was beyond terrified that I was going to die. Everything felt that serious. But when I Googled it, I found that so many other people were going or had gone through the same thing I was after stopping Yaz, and a lot of them hadn’t taken it as long as I had. That really scared me.
Not to mention, I’m sure we’ve all seen the commercials on TV about Yaz, Yazmin, and Ocella birth control pills and the lawsuits against them. I’m one of those who needed their gallbladder removed while on the pill, and even with everyone who filed against them, they denied that there was enough medical correlation to pay out on those cases. Y’all, I had an organ removed from my body. Now, I didn’t exactly eat the best, but I don’t find it to be a coincidence.
My point is that I see all of this fighting about whether or not Obamacare, the US, and employers should provide healthcare coverage for birth control pills for their employees and citizens when we should actually be questioning whether or not we should be taking them in the first place. Seriously. Do some research. Look into what you want so badly to take so you don’t have a baby, don’t get acne, or don’t gain weight. We need to take some responsibility for our health and sexual lives instead of relying on a pill that’s wreaking havoc on our bodies and calling it ‘freedom.’
I was on your side before. I thought I was doing the right thing. But I wasn’t. I made the wrong choice and paid greatly for it. My life will never be the same because of it. A year later, I’m STILL working around the effects of the pill I took for years without question. I got off of them because I started acting accountable for my own health. I suggest everyone start doing the same.
Please stop fighting over whether or not we have to provide this pill to young women. Start looking into whether or not we as young women should be taking that pill at all.